I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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