So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
