You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
