ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
