i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
