Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
