why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
