They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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