Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
