I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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