I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
