If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
