we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
