May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
