please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
