for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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