there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
