I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
