So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
