i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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