The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i think i just lost a toe
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
