you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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