I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
