babies were throwing up all over the place
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dick very happy bro
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
