so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
