One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Holy sore nipples Batman
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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