Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I smell stomach acid.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
