Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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