Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
