My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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