My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
