One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
