If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
