worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
