why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
