there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
