I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
