I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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