haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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