we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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