First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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