Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
