I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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