So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize