i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
