i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
