He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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