week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize