you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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