In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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