so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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