let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
