Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize