are you so shy because you have an std?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
