If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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