Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
