Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
