Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
