Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She announced her abortion via fbk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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