And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
