no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
