He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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