Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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