My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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