This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
