Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
