Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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