Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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