I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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