I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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