gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize