she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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